


A Day In the Normandy Room

by orphan_account



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Comedy, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-23
Updated: 2012-07-23
Packaged: 2017-11-10 13:35:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/466885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mass Effect told in a style similar to Toy Story.<br/>Done for a trade when I was half asleep, please don't kill me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Day In the Normandy Room

**Author's Note:**

> This was done late into the morning as a trade for a friend who drew me something. It's... I don't even know what to call it XD She came up with the concept.  
> Even so, I am not making money from this and all base characters herein are property of bioware and ea.

It was just another day in the Normandy room. Joker-bear with his unique panda spots and adorable ball-cap was in his remote control car, making bangs and explosion noises like he was in an outer space dogfight. EDI-bear had just acquired her build-a-bear body and was making sure her speak and spell platform was properly fitted into the bear’s belly. She really wanted to see Legion; he’d just managed to get some kinex to make some more Geth friends.

Meanwhile, Mordin-mander was in the medlab, working on samples and singing. It wasn’t easy, though, every time Jacob-lion tried to roar, it cut out mid-way and he squeaked loudly and awkwardly. Despite his best efforts, Mordin-mander was thinking that maybe it was time to find their good friend Tali’ham and wheel her over to Jacob-lion to fix his voice box.

Just then Sheepard hopped in, her little robot parts making whirring noises inside her stuffing. She looked at Mordin-mander and blinked a few times, opening her mouth to say something before Jacob-lion cut her off unintentionally.

“THE PRRIIIIIII-“ and just like very time before, he cut off to a horrid squeak that made Sheepard want to get a pair of sewing scissors.

“Jacob-lion! You needs to get a cough drop! I am trying to have a conversation with Mordin-mander over here!” Sheepard huffed in annoyance and turned back to Mordin-mander. She was low on Paragon this day because she tried to talk to Gawwis the bird down in the engine room, but he was in the middle of a game of calibrations and wouldn’t talk to her.

Jacob-lion huddled behind a broken xylophone that he used as a table for his play guns. Mordin-mander looked between them both and then went back to his work with the lady bug and the other beetle he found in the carpet. He thought that maybe they could be used to cure Jacob-lion.

“Well, it was a good conversation, Mordin-mander! See you at snack time!” Mordin-mander didn’t even bother to mention that they hadn’t had a conversation. He figured it didn’t really matter.

Sheepard bounced away to the snack-time area and found Ashley-bear and Kaidan-teddy near the picnic table. She bounced up and looked at Ashley-bear’s side, she got hurt a few weeks ago on the carpet Virmire. She had to be re-sewn. But her stuffed grizzly fur was handling the new stitches quite well. Kaidan-teddy’s black bear fur was glossy and perfectly styled as usual.

“How are you Kaidan-teddy?” Sheepard asked, he had a plate of toy carrots in front of him and looked like he was enjoying lunch.

“I’m fine, Sheepard, I was talking to Ashley-bear about maybe playing hopscotch later. Do you want to join us?”

Ashley-bear looked up to Sheepard from her place on the bench. She hadn’t had a lot of time to talk to Sheepard lately, they were all trying to fight the buggy Reapers. They’d seen spiders that would take away their friends, but the biggest head honcho of them all was Harbinger. He was a big, mean scorpion that didn’t care about anything. Not even teddies and butts. They needed to put an end to him.

That’s why they were trying to find the Crucible. It was the one way to stop the Reapers.

Sheepard looked at Ashley-bear and thought about it for a minute. “Well, I would, but I’m going on a date with Tha-BAAAAAAAAAAAH!” Just as she was about to talk about her crush, Thanezard, Liara-kitten came up behind her and pulled her string, making her BAAAAAAAAH in the middle of her sentence. Liara-kitten laughed and rolled onto her back, kicking her paws like her was juggling yarn. “Liara-kitten, that was mean! You’re not even supposed to know where that is!”

“I’m sorry, Sheepard. But you have to remember, I took over the book-shelf. I have so much information just at the tips of my paws! That’s where I found out about your string. I won’t do it again, I promise.” Liara-kitten lay on her side, grinning at Sheepard.

“Hmm, well, okay. But if you lie, I’m going to get the snapping Krogan and set them loose on you!” Sheepard made a defiant hmph/baaah noise and hopped away to find Jack-doll. She had a feeling she’d be with Zaeed, the honey badger. The lego-section with all the smarty pants and electric stuff wasn’t that far away, so she figured she could hop over quickly. Maybe she could even see her hamster friend, Tali’ham, while she was there! Tali’ham was the first to come up to her, dragging something in her teeth.

“Sheepard! Look what I found!”

Sheepard looked at it and couldn’t quite understand why Tali’ham would have a straw. “Tali’ham, why do you have a straw?”

Tali’ham promptly dropped the plastic tube in between her teeth and huffed, her fur foofing out and making her look like a little purple cotton-ball. “It’s not a straw, Sheepard! It’s an emergency candy-suction port! It makes it so I can get candy in my mouth faster! I can just drink it and not even have to worry about germs from my paws or anything!”

“Ohhh, well… have fun!” Tali’ham still had a sour look on her face.

“Don’t ahhh me, you sound those Vorcha moths!” Sheepard chuckled to herself and let Tali’ham scamper off with her straw.

Now it was time to find—“BAAAAAAAAAAH!” Sheepard huffed and her robot parts whirred more inside her as she spun around quickly to see who it was that played that dirty trick. She couldn’t find anyone. Whenever she looked around no one was there. A familiar squeaky giggle gave her a clue. “Kasumouse! That was mean!” Maybe she should be more Renegade and just kick people when they did that.

A small tan mouse with a black hooded cloak came out from under Sheepard and giggled. “Come on, Sheepard, you just need to loosen up and have more fun!” Kasumouse peered up at her with her cute little mouse face for a few seconds before Sheepard gave her a weak smile. Kasumouse smiled widely and started to run off before she turned around. “You’re looking for Jack-doll and Zaeed the badger, right? This way!”

Sheepard would never get used to Kasumouse knowing all the things she did. She hopped noisily behind the small, quiet mousy thief. They were heading toward the big chair at the back of the room; it made a really dark shadow. The only light was from a red night-light, a lot of people thought it was really creepy. But Jack-doll liked it. Jack-doll was odd, she was missing all of her hair and she’d been colored on by sharpies. Zaeed the honey badger was sitting with Jack-doll in old plastic chairs, remembering times that they’d played really dirty tricks and been brave. Jack-doll even remembered being strapped to fireworks. Sounded scary and even a little fun to Sheepard, though she wouldn’t be trying it any time soon.

“Hey, Sheepard, me and the honey badger here were just sharing stories, you got any?” Jack-doll hardly ever smiled. She was usually mad and it was a bit troublesome, Sheepard didn’t like having people around who would hurt the ones she loved. Though so far Jack-doll had been civil so long as Sheepard had.

“Well, there was the time with Grunt where we took down that big worm.” Jack-doll bounced in her seat as Sheepard spoke.

“I remember that!” Zaeed the honey badger nodded.

“I rememba that like eet was yestaday. Your team were the only ones ta make it out alive.” Zaeed the honey badger had a lot of stories that ended with him being the only one to make it out alive. It was kind of sad.

Just then, a familiar grey shell and blue eyes meandered up. Grunt snapped his jaws in greeting; he’d been looking for Sheepard all day. “Sheepard, we need to play, remember? I’m also kinda hungry.”

Sheepard gasped. “That’s right! Well, I’ll tell you what, Grunt. There’s a big bunch of berries over with Kaidan-teddy and Ashley-bear. You can have them and we’ll play later, alright?” Grunt smiled his little snappy turtle smile and waddled away as quickly as he could. Sheepard was still trying to make her way over to Thanezard. “Hey, I’ll talk to you guys later, okay? I need to find Thanezard.”

As Sheepard bounced away she wagged her little sheep tail to say bye. Suddenly, Sheepard caught a flash of green out of the corner of her eye. She turned quickly and followed it. Around the corner of the jack in the box she saw another flash. This one definitely looked like a tail. It was almost like a maze trying to follow the tail. But eventually they came to center. Thanezard had a little table set up with snacks. This was the date he mentioned.

He got a piece of paper and wrote something down and held it up for Sheepard to see. “I hope you like it, Shipa.” Thanezard had to write whatever he wanted to say down, because talking aloud made his throat frills inflate and it tended to startle him. It also kind of ruined conversation with most people. But not Sheepard, she accepted everything. It was why he loved her.

Sheepard hopped and danced in her happiness. For once her dancing looked okay. She bounced up to the table and began to stuff her face. “I love it, Thanezard! Thank you so much!”

Sheepard and Thanezard ate in peace, with Kasumouse only spying occasionally, giggling with how cute it was. It was just another ordinary day in the Normandy room.

**Author's Note:**

> What is my life. Let me know what you think of that nonsense. Near the end it got kind of rushed because I was really, really tired. I haven't slept in a good long while and I needed to finish this for her. At some point I may redo it, or edit the hell out of it. Until then, enjoy your wtf moment of the day.


End file.
